Kindness and Spunk

The Pilot and I named Megatron for my grandma (No, she was not an 80s cartoon villian...Megatron's legal name is a variation of her name).  I've always been really close with my mom's mom so there wasn't much question about honoring her through our baby's name.

She was actually the reason we told our families we were pregnant with Megatron when we did.  Right before last Christmas, my grandma's health started to decline.  My mom (a hospice nurse) helped set her up with part-time hospice care to help her and my grandpa look after grandma.  We weren't planning to tell our families we were expecting for another couple of weeks but I wanted to make sure my grandma knew she was expecting another great-grandchild just in case something happened.  I told my grandparents on Christmas Day and they were both so excited!  I honestly think my grandparents both enjoy being grandparents and great-grandparents better than being parents!  All the grandkids are their reward for not killing their own kids! :)

I've never considered myself a religious person but I do believe that everything happens for a reason.  Of course the reasons for things aren't always obvious, which can be frustrating when trying to make sense of difficult and challenging situations.  Other than medical reasons, I felt like I was trying to wrap my head around the reason Megatron came early.  And then the reason became clear.

For that first week of Megatron's life, we were in the hospital and then had some follow up appointments and lab work for him.  That entire week, my grandpa checked in a couple times a day with my mom to check on all of us.  My mom had called him when Megatron was born and shared his name and had him tell grandma that his middle name was for her.  He mentioned that he would bring my grandma down to our house so they could meet Megatron once we were ready.  That first week though, we weren't quite ready for visitors between me not feeling well and Megatron's appointments.

On Monday, when Megatron was one week old, I got a call from my mom.  She mentioned that my grandma wasn't doing well and suggested we come to see her rather than my grandpa bringing grandma to us (we live about 30 minutes away).  It would be our first non-medical outing with Megatron.  So on Tuesday morning we packed him up and headed to introduce Megatron to his great grandparents.

My grandma was pretty confused and I don't think she knew who we were but she kept touching Megatron's foot.  She commented on how big his "suit" was (he was wearing a onesie with monkeys on it, which even though was a newborn size, he was swimming in it!) and that he was a "skinny baby."   It was difficult for me to see my grandma in that condition and it took all I had to keep it together.  I wanted to remember it as a sweet moment and not a sad one.  And I'm so glad that I was able to keep it together while we were in the room with my grandma.

Forty-eight hours later, my grandma passed away.  My mom has shared that many of her hospice patients are often waiting on someone to come see them before they pass.  It almost always happens that way.  I have no doubt in my mind that my grandma stayed with us long enough to meet Megatron.  I also believe that this was part of the reason Megatron needed to arrive early.  I am so thankful that not only did my grandma get to meet her great grandson but she also knew that he was named for her.  I've always hoped she knew just how special she was to me but having her know that we named our son for her meant the world to me.  While I knew that Megatron would never get to know my grandma the way I did, it breaks my heart that I didn't get the chance to talk to my grandma more about him.  She didn't get the chance to know him at all.  But I will always cherish the fact that they did meet.  I didn't think that she would remember but the morning after our visit, she told her hospice nurse that she met a baby the day before.  So she did remember.  She may not have realized who that baby was, but she did remember.

The Pilot was there and took some pictures.  We will be able to share the pictures and story with Megatron about that visit.  I'll also have to share all of the wonderful memories I have of my grandma with him.  She was kind and funny with a whole lot of spunk.  I hope that I'll be able to pass along those traits to him.  If he ends up only being half has kind as my grandma was, then he will be better off than most!

To say it has been an emotional two weeks is an understatement.  Between the trauma of my delivery and Megatron's early arrival, the hormones associated with having just had a baby, and the loss of my beloved grandma, it's been a very difficult time.  I just hope that things settle down for a little while so we can all focus on healing.