So I go in for my lab work planning to knock it out and get on with my day. They poked me once but sure enough, it wouldn't bleed. They got someone else who poked me again, this time in the hand. They seemed to forget there was a person on the other end of that hand. They were "digging" around trying to find the vein that they swore was there a second ago. It hurt. A lot. And for some reason in that moment it hit me like a truck just what Megatron goes through all the time.
I was holding back tears. This was the first lab work I've had drawn since about a week after Megatron was born. So while I've been present for 99% of every poke Megatron has every received (which is probably pushing 75), I had forgotten just how uncomfortable it can be at times. Sometimes it downright hurts. And in that moment, it broke my heart that my baby has to go through that. It's primal really. As a mom, you want to protect your baby from pain, but in my situation, I can't. I'm often the one holding his arm down so he doesn't squirm.
I kept it together long enough to get my band aid and run out the door. And then shed a few tears in my car. And again at home when I told The Pilot what had happened. It seems like such a small thing considering Megatron has literally been cut open from one side of his belly to the other. He's had an entire organ replace for goodness sake! Suddenly though, I could put myself in Megatron's baby socks (I haven't fallen for the baby shoe trap yet) and my heart ached for him.
I'm sure this won't be the first time something like this will happen. I'm sure my heart will break for him over and over for things that aren't typical (surgeries, transplant issues, etc.) but also for things that are more normal (his first skinned knee, his first broken heart). I doubt that will ever get easier. For now though, I do take comfort in one thing. Seventy-five percent of the time, sweet Megatron hardly fusses at all when getting poked. In the past 7 days alone he's had three pokes and he only cried for one. Even then, as soon as they loosened the tourniquet, he stopped crying and tried playing with the tubing that was drawing his blood. I am so thankful that this kid is so easy going so far. Despite all he's been through, he just seems to go with the flow. I have so much to learn from this kid.