Thursday, May 23, 2013

21 Lessons for Our Son

As little man's arrival sneaks up on us, I find myself thinking more and more about all the things I want to pass along to him.  Some are serious.  Some are a little tongue in cheek.  All are true though!
  1. Put the seat down after you use the restroom.  Better yet, just sit down to pee.  If something does go awry in there, just clean up after yourself.
  2. Stay away from girls for as long as possible.  They can be evil and mean.
  3. When you do fall under the spell of a girl (because you will...unless you fall under the spell of a boy and that's ok too.  The same rule applies.), treat her with even more respect than you would treat a little old lady...also known as your mother.  If that girl doesn't return that respect, she's not the one for you.
  4. Never do anything you would be embarrassed to explain to emergency medical personnel...or a grandparent.  Same goes for posting on the internet.  The internet is forever and "delete" never really means erased from history.  And just because it isn't necessarily embarrassing to you now doesn't mean it won't be embarrassing when you are an adult and trying to get a job or run for political office.
  5. Never do anything after one of your buddies says something to the effect of "hey, try this" or "this will be fun."  See # 4.
  6. If you take up a sport/activity that has a helmet specifically designed for said sport/activity, wear it.  If I catch you on a bike specifically without a helmet, you will have more to worry about than a head injury. Same goes for seat belts.  Just wear it, you fool!
  7. Don't pick your nose in a car.  Or anywhere else for that matter.  I've seen way too many grown @$$ men picking their noses in their cars while at a traffic light.  Everyone can see you.  Use a tissue.
  8. Don't hold your fork like a cave man.  I have never seen a woman do this, just men.  And when you are a grown up doing this, it makes you look like a man-child. 
  9. While I won't force you to attend church often or to make your bed every day, I will wash your mouth out with soap if you ever bad mouth the great works of Pearl Jam.
  10. Don't quit.  Even if you can in good conscious tell yourself (and your parents) that you gave it all you had...try again.  This includes relationships, sports, school work, real work.  The only thing this doesn't apply to is puzzles.  You have my permission to give up on puzzles.   Those are just maddening.
  11. Always be kind to animals.  They are more loyal and honest than people some days.  
  12. Having said that though, don't be afraid to trust people.  Then, if they break that trust, you can fall back on those animals you were kind to.
  13. Don't be a bully.  You never know what someone's circumstances are.  Plus, karma is a bit--!
  14. Don't be afraid to show emotion.  Smile and laugh with abandon.  Cry when needed.  One caveat: it's ok to get angry, but keep that in check.  No one likes a hot head so learn to control that and blow off some steam in a constructive manner.
  15. Learn to dance.  You don't have to do it well but learn to lead a woman around a dance floor.  And don't ever be too self-conscious to do the Cha-Cha-Slide at a wedding.  Don't worry, your mama can teach you this one.  Sure, people might watch and laugh, but they are just jealous that they aren't as confident and care-free as you.
  16. Treat your body well, you only get one.  Try to eat right.  Exercise.  Try not to jump off anything that would cause you to break a limb or poke your eye out.  Your dad and I will certainly be dragging you around the race scene at at early age so hopefully you will naturally fall into an active lifestyle.  If you take up organized, team sports though, I can't help.  I will try to find you a coach though if that's what you want.
  17. Don't smoke or do drugs.  If I catch you doing either, I will make your life even more miserable than any side effects you would get from those substances.
  18. Get an education.  Ultimately, I don't care what kind of education but learn a skill you are passionate about and can support yourself doing.
  19. In the words of Steve Prefontaine, "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift."  That says it better than I can!
  20. In the words of Walt Disney, "When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionably."  Basically, stick up for what you believe in, even if it might not be the most popular thing or is difficult to do. 
  21. Don't eat yellow snow.  Actually, don't eat anything if you cannot confirm it's origins.


  1. I really love this. :-) I'm tempted to have my 11 year-old son read this. And on a side note - I'm seeing Pearl Jam at Wrigley Field in July, I will totally give them a mental shout-out from you!

    1. Thanks! So jealous you get to see PJ....hopefully they will play Black for "me!" :)