Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Day 18

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

I guess it's a good thing but I am having a hard time with this one. My first reaction is to say my core. It's a little soft and not as strong as it should be considering the marathons and triathlons. But I am not about to post a picture of my jiggly bits for the whole world to see. So I thought about it a little more...

...and I still had trouble. From time to time I feel insecure about my pace and the quality of my training but that is usually fleeting. And the longer I do this, the more I embrace the fact that I am slow and I'll most likely hang out in the back of the pack for my racing "career." I never signed up to try to win so I'm ok with that.

I went to The Pilot to talk to him about it and he said that is why he loved me so much. I'm comfortable in my own skin most days. I'm confident in who I am as a person. This wasn't always the case but I finally made it there. Sure, I have lots of fears but on the flip side, the things I am afraid of are the things I'm excited about.

I'm a little afraid that in 4 months I'm going to be a wife. And I don't take that lightly. I'm so excited to marry The Pilot but I also want to make sure I'm a "good wife." I'm not sure what that means exactly but I'm going to give it my best. I certainly don't fit into the "old" stereotype of a housewife (not that I'd want to) because I can't/don't like to cook, my house isn't exactly spotless, I hate doing the laundry and I won't be waiting on The Pilot hand and foot when he's home. I might have some fresh bread and some questionable milk in the fridge when he gets home from a trip but obviously he fell in love with me despite all that.

I suppose I have also insecurities about being a mother. Until a year ago, I honestly didn't want kids. Refer back to my "10 facts." (Kids are unpredictable, sticky and smelly.) But then The Pilot came along and I'm slowly warming up to creating a little monster with him. And that terrifies me! I just about made The Pilot throw away all of his wire hangers when he moved in. What if I go all Mommie Dearest and start screaming to our child "No wire hangers EVER!" Hey, that is a very real insecurity I tell you.

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