What I wanted most was to get outside and pound the pavement to let out some anger and frustration but it was storming. Boo. To the basement I went though. I put on some Pearl Jam (the go-to when my head is all mixed up) and got on the treadmill. I didn't have the energy to go very long but I stayed on just long enough to get my heart rate up and to break a sweat. And just long enough to get some endorphins going which always seems to help clear my head (along with a side of PJ of course).
Baby bumpin' along
I'm having a really hard time processing the news of what happened at the Boston Marathon yesterday. I'm feeling very much like I did on September 11 despite the loss of life and injuries being significantly higher with that event obviously. Unlike September 11 though, I could put myself there in Boston. I knew multiple people who were racing yesterday (all accounted for and safe). I knew people who were in town to watch the race. How many races have I done? I've lost count. How many races have I done with a larger race field than Boston? I've lost count but it is in the double digits. How many times have I been hanging around the finish line waiting for my athletes and friends? Again, I've lost count. I'm planning to stand at the finish line of a dear friend's 100th marathon next month.
See what I mean when I say I can put myself there? I'm having trouble processing that. Just like with September 11 though, we can't stop living life just because something scary happened. I didn't stop flying after September 11. Obviously I kept living. I married a pilot who spends 3-4 days a week flying. I can't very well stop lingering around finish lines. I'm not going to stop racing. That doesn't mean its not hard to process and scary to think about.
My challenge tonight was that my head was swimming and I needed a workout but my body and baby were telling me something else. I was just so tired. I stuck it out for 15 minutes on the treadmill and then did 15 minutes of prenatal yoga. It helped clear my head a bit. Not as much as a good hour long run would have but for now, I'm thankful that I'm still able to workout. My body is still cooperating for the most part.
I've even more thankful that I wasn't at that finish line yesterday. Thankful that my friends are safe. Thankful that while we live in a crazy world with crazy people, there is much more good in than evil.