Thursday, April 25, 2013

Gym Class Dropout: Becoming A Mom

I did a post on The Pilot becoming a dad (AKA the story of how I told him I was pregnant).  I figured I'd write one about me becoming a mom as it is no doubt been a journey already.  With the excitement of the pregnancy itself, I sometimes forget that at the end of this 10 month journey, I'm going to be a mom.  With so much to do to prepare for pregnancy, delivery and baby, it's hard to even think about the mom aspect of it.  I wasn't one of those women who dreamed about being a mom someday.  Up until I met The Pilot, I was pretty sure I didn't want kids.  Fast forward a couple years and here we are.  Approaching our 2nd wedding anniversary and just 4 months away from becoming parents.

I hadn't thought much about the whole "mom" aspect of things until recently.  I was at a meeting preparing for a local American Cancer Society's Relay For Life event that I've been involved with.  A mom and daughter got up in front of everyone to share their story.  The mom shared a little but left the rest to this video:

Now, I've seen a lot of videos like this over the last 8+ years of volunteering with both the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and the American Cancer Society.  It's not that I've become immune to them but for some reason I can usually watch them without crying.  Especially if I'm with a group of people.  I'm not sure how I can lock that away but I can.  Until I saw this one.

And I think it's because within the 7 minute video, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm about to become a mom.  There was something about seeing that mom trying to comfort her child through the most unimaginable crisis.  All that mom wanted to do was take away her daughter's pain and make her better.  And all that little girl wanted was her mom.  I barely kept it together while I watched but for the day following that meeting, I realized just what is about to happen to my life. The Pilot and I are about to become someone's everything.   This little person will depend on us for everything, including comfort.  Hell, I'm 32 and I still go to my own mom for comfort.  That's heavy stuff!

I recently shared with The Pilot that I'm not scared of labor and delivery.  I'm scared of the lifetime after.  I'm still scared that I'll suck as a mom, though I know in my heart that's probably not going to be a reality.  I know it's completely normal to be afraid and I still have 4 months to adjust to the concept.  And I know enough about babies/kids to know that that our lives will never be the same.  I will probably miss our pre-baby lives but that's ok.  There will be a million new experiences to look forward to and treasure. So while I might be terrified, I'm also so so excited to welcome a little guy into this world.  I'm super excited to see The Pilot as a dad.  I'm excited to see how I evolve as a mom.  And besides, how can I completely suck at being a mom when I had one of THE best role models growing up (and when I say growing up, I mean the last 32 years)??  My mom is the best! If I have only a fraction of the relationship I have with my mom with my own child, both baby and I will be just fine!

And on another note about that video. it made me so badly want to go out and donate blood.  Unfortunately my doctor said no donating while pregnant.  I guess me and little man need it all right now.  As soon as I get the ok from the doctor though, I'll be back at it.  Who wants to go donate in my place?!

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